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East Meets West #1 Revisted
I am realizing that all of the time I spent in self imposed isolation might have not been the best of life plans. We develop these strategies for living as protective mechanisms for trauma that we may have suffered in life. I carry the wound of being adopted at age 13 months and having my life turned upside down. From that experience I developed the protective measure of not letting other people in too closely because of course people will always leave you and it is best just to meet your own needs and not rely on anyone else to do so. Thank goodness that I love to deep soul work and have been chipping away at maladaptive behaviours for years now. At this point I am down to the base survival patterns and every shift in patterning yields huge results. I feel like my protective case is being covered in cracks and now huge flakes are falling off. This leaves me feeling as if I am covered in new skin and tender to the touch.
The up side to this tenderness is that when I am gifted with visible signs of someone’s love for me I am touched to my core and this heals the wounds that I carry in this life. The print above was gifted to me by the incredibly lovely and talented Liz Henke of Dreamseed Apothecary. She has a special connection to hummingbird and my poem touched her and now her artwork has touched me in a deep way. She leads the new moon circle that I have begun attending. At the beginning of the circle we can select cards from a couple of oracle decks. Last night I chose (or was chosen) by the card for Coatlicue who is an Aztec earth goddess who wears a skirt of snakes and is a symbol of the earth as both creator and destroyer. In this deck she represents Grief. Since this is fall and the time for shedding and releasing I believe that Grief for me represents the shedding of that protective shield that I have carried for so long. So now I grieve for the lost opportunities for deep friendships and relationships that I passed by and I rejoice in the people who have waited patiently for me and are here to welcome with open arms and hearts. I have never been alone. I was always surrounded by those that loved me. It is a bit overwhelming to receive all of this love but like the Grinch I feel my heart growing and expanding and it is good.
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